Exercising and Exorcising

I struggle every day, in my day-to-day, to maintain an acceptable balance with the world around me. I presume that each of us struggles similarly, to our own particular degree.  Of that, however, I would not claim to be certain.  

I commit pen to paper (metaphorically speaking) as part of my ceaseless effort to keep the voices that fuel my inner demons under control.  A lifetime ago, before I met and fell in love with Margaret, and forged the life I now lead, I was under the delusion that copious amounts of alcohol consumed aggressively on a regular basis acted as an elixir.  In fact, just the opposite was true. Alcohol did not quell them.  It fueled them, which proved to be a very, very bad idea.  

For a number of years I had taken to writing on a daily basis. I did so because it served two purposes. First, it was cathartic. A daily exorcism if you will.  Once you resign yourself, which I have done, to the fact that the voices in your head cannot be eliminated and need simply to be controlled, your day-to-day becomes a less tricky minefield through which to tap dance.  Second, it was a good mental exercise.  Commitment to do something regularly requires discipline.  Commitment to doing something on a daily basis requires a lot of discipline.  

About a year ago, I stopped writing every day.  I tried to adapt to doing so on a regular or a semi-regular basis. It did not work.  Failure to do it daily robbed it of its cathartic benefits.  The loss of its cathartic benefits eroded my commitment to doing it.  Eventually, I stopped altogether. 

Throughout the course of the past year - and particularly so in these past few months - the Greek chorus in my head has grown louder.  Not loud enough to be a disruptive influence but loud enough to remind me of its presence and of its ability to knock me out of the acceptable balance that I work so hard to maintain.  

Again, I have started putting pen to paper.  The goal is to reduce the Greek chorus to white noise - something that is always present but of no moment whatsoever.  

Shall it work?  Truthfully, I do not know.  I am, however, willing to find out.  

-AK