The Never-Ending Pursuit of a Modicum of Grace

 The basic question in middle age might be this:

How can I live the rest of my life with a modicum of grace?...

I have friends who have been searching in vain for two decades

for some simple explanation of the meaning of life. I'm convinced

there is no such meaning. I don't ask for the meaning of the song of

a bird or the rising of the sun on a misty morning. There they are,

they are beautiful, and I embrace them when I can. They are part

of living, and living does have a value. When we're gone, 

the world vanishes forever...

Knowing what you will soon lose makes living even more precious,

and the middle-aged man becomes infinitely more concerned with time.

I find myself more conscious of light, because light is the most primitive

measure of time; I spend as many hours as possible in the country,

where the movement of the sun is so much more obvious and poignant

than it is in the city. 

-Pete Hamill 

Esquire Magazine (June 1988)

While I spend little to no time in the country, I am constrained to spend as much time as I can at the beach for the sun's movement at the point of intersection between sea, sky, and surf is indeed much more obvious and poignant to me than it is anywhere else.  The older I get, the more I need it.  

This weekend the Missus did not join me as I retreated to our little Paradise by the Sea for the weekly recharging of the batteries.  After running very early Saturday morning and then running some errands, shortly after 11:00 am I took a walk up to the beach.  There were quite a lot of people running and walking on the boardwalk so, rather than join their number, I took off my flip-flops and walked south on the beach, down by the waterline, into Spring Lake.  I found a spot unencumbered by humans and their four-legged canine companions, sat down for a spell, and took in all that I could see. 

I sat quietly, alone except for the birds (and the occasional pup who popped over to say "Hello!" on his or her way home from a morning on the beach), for almost an hour, doing nothing but taking in the sun's warmth and the sea's sights and sounds.  You might not be able to tell from this photograph

...but I was feeling pretty good when I stood up, dusted myself off a bit, and headed home.  

I lack the wisdom to know whether it furthered my cause in pursuit of that elusive modicum of grace. I know, however, that I felt better when I stood up than I had when I sat down.  In my book, such time is the definition of time well spent. 

-AK